tales from a bookstore

so i've been sharing "tales from a bookstore" in my fb and g+ streams... i decided to start collecting them in a blog here.

yesterday had three pretty interesting stories, so i thought i'd go ahead and start by chronicling yesterday's events.

first, my portable work phone (clipped to my belt) started ringing at about 11:30am. i looked at it to see who was calling me and saw that it was someone in the kids department. so i answered the phone. "jeff here", i said. (that's how i roll)

no one said anything on the other end of the phone, but i heard breathing. i said "hello?" still nothing. i thought "that's odd. if it's an employee, why don't they say anything? if it's a customer, how did they know to call this extension?" there isn't a list of extensions at the phones, and it would take a wildly accurate guess to know to call my phone. so i walked straight over to the kids department and looked at the phone. there was no one anywhere around the phone in the kids department. creepy!

second (unrelated) story: there is a book that alot of high school kids have to read for school. it's called "lies my teacher told me", and it's about inaccurate US history that has been taught over the years. well, high school students are pretty good at messing up the titles of the books they're supposed to read. we get alot of "don't kill the mockingbird" and "las mizralaub" (instead of "to kill a mockingbird" and "les miserables") so when the student yesterday asked for "things i don't like that my teacher does", i paused for half a second and then said "do you perhaps mean "lies my teacher told me"? "oh ya", said the student.

third (unrelated) story. an older man (in his 60's) came to the customer service desk and asked us if we had recently fired someone who was mad at us. we looked at him quizzically and asked why he wanted to know. he said "because there is crap all over the walls and toilet in the men's bathroom".

i went to investigate (oh joy) and opened the bathroom door, expecting a nasty odor. no odor. i went to the stall in question and opened it. sure enough, dark brown substance smeared all over the inside of the stall, the walls, toilet, toilet paper dispenser, toilet seat cover dispenser - all covered in brown smears. on a hunch (and thinking of the line from the movie "baby mama") i went to one of the smears and sniffed it. sure enough - chocolate icing.

someone thought it was hilarious to take a container to chocolate icing (or just stuff some in their pocket?) and go to my bookstore, where they then smeared it all over the inside of a bathroom stall to make someone think it was poo.

a tiny part of my mind thought it was a little funny. the rest of my mind was annoyed that i had to clean up their mess. then i thought "well, this is the best smelling mess i've had to clean up in a while".

more tales from a bookstore coming your way in the days ahead.