if only

St John Chrysostom talks to us today about not being afraid of death in A Year with the Church Fathers. He says that we shouldn't fear death, we should fear God instead. But we've heard that over and over in the last several days of readings. So something else jumped out at me during the reading today.

St John says that people tell him, "If only I could be like St Paul, I would have better faith". And it's tempting to think that, isn't it? If only we'd been one of the disciples, there WITH Jesus when He walked on water or turned the water into wine. THEN we could believe more easily, right?

But the disciples were with Him day after day for three years. And they still doubted. Even when He appeared to them after He was resurrected, they still doubted.

The children of Israel saw all kinds of signs and wonders that God performed for them, and they still doubted and complained and worshiped idols. All through the Bible, we see stories of real life people who are shown amazing wonders, and yet they still have trouble believing in God.

It turns out that every has their own relationship with God to work with. Comparing ourselves to others will never help. If only we had his faith. If only we could sing like she does. But God has given YOU the gifts that He wants YOU to use. He has given YOU the gift of faith in Him. If you feel that your faith is too small, just ask for more. God definitely wants to grow your faith. But look at the wonders He works in your life, every day. See what He's already done to make your life better. Recognize His hand in the lives of those around you. And know that He's preparing a place for you, better than anything you could imagine.

If only we trust Him.

God, thanks for giving us the right "if only."