what we're really like

Lewis talks about being afraid of who we really are today in A Year with C.S. Lewis.

He gets to what I said in one of my recent blogs... that just accepting the fact that God really does forgive us can be difficult. Because of our old buddy Shame. See, we have this weird tendency as humans, when we make a mistake or do something wrong, not to own up to it like an adult, but to cover it up like a little kid. It's been happening since the very first time one of us sinned. Adam and Eve blew it, and instead of finding God and saying "We're sorry. Can you fix it?" They went and hid.

We've been doing it ever since.

And when we DO come to God and say "I'm sorry", we try to explain it away. We come up with excuses, and we pretend like it wasn't as bad as it is. Because, I think, deep down we're worried that if we REALLY show God what we're like inside... He won't like it. That He'll reject who we really are.

Or, maybe it's that we ourselves are afraid to look into our own eyes and see the selfishness that lives in there. Maybe, like the baby in the pic above, we have trouble holding our own gaze. Maybe, like Amon Goeth in Schindler's List, the only person we have trouble pardoning is ourselves.

But the amazing thing is that God knows us all the way down to the deepest, darkest corners of our souls. He knows what we've done, what we will do, and even WHY we do those things. And He loves us more than anyone. He accepts us and loves us with all of our faults and sins and stupidity. And He transforms us into holy beings that can live in heaven with Him for all eternity.

It boggles the mind.

God, thank You for loving us and helping us become who we truly want to be, by forgiving even our darkest sins.