fighting God

Lewis tells us today about fighting against what God is doing in our lives, in A Year with C.S. Lewis.

He tells us that if we don't realize that it's God, pushing us all the way to perfection, and that nothing can prevent Him from doing so except us alone...that we might at some point resist Him. I would agree with Lewis...except I would say he's a little too optimistic. It's my experience that, even wholly aware that it's God doing it, we all find ourselves struggling against that perfecting movement.

We WANT to cooperate, usually. When we know it's Him, we WANT to allow Him to do His work. But it's kind of like going to the dentist. When the dentist is poking around in my mouth with his pointy things, I'm trying to cooperate because I know he's doing this for my good. But when the dentist hits a sensitive spot...well, my cooperation sometimes turns into resistance, even if it's just a reflex.

When God is poking around in my life, I know He's doing it for good. To make me better and get rid of the thing that's eating at me, like a cavity in my tooth. But when He inevitably hits that sensitive spot (that IS what He's looking for, after all)... The pain of discovery can translate into unintentional resistance.

Now, whether I'm at the dentist or I'm on God's table, I have a choice at this point. I can either say "nevermind! it's not worth it! I'll just rot from the inside out" and run away from the one who's trying to help me. Or I can force my self to open up to them again, brace myself, and get it done.

We all know it can be hard. But it's worth it when you're clean and healthy inside again.

God, please help me choose to be healthy again. And maybe a little anesthetic won't hurt.