Thursday, December 10, 2015
some really good jokes (if you're into that kind of thing)
1. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high - she seemed surprised!
2. If you plan to visit the place where Native Americans live, but you're not sure you wanna go... you have reservation reservation reservations....
3. People used to laugh at me when I said "I want to be a comedian"... well, no one's laughing now!
4. My girlfriend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo... I had to put my foot down!
5. The day I bought a universal remote, I said to myself.... this changes EVERYTHING...
6. My grandfather has the heart of a lion! And a lifetime ban from the Dallas Zoo.
7. My friend gave me his Epi-pen as he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it!
8. What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? Hand EYYYYYYYYYE!!
9. I refused to believe that my road worker father was stealing from his job... but I went home and all the signs were there.
10. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was just collecting dust.
11. People say I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people.
12. You can't lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon.
13. Whiteboards are remarkable!
14. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.